I cried last night. And the night before. And today. Nothing too big - just lost hopes, dashed dreams, soul aches, and beginning to reconstruct a future. I don't know why some things happen the way they do. I don't know why this particular dream of mine keeps getting deferred. Maybe I'm not really ready for it, even though I think I am. But I really think I am.

But I do know that what Sister Beck says is true: "When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves." I am disappointed. Oh, so very very disappointed, but I am not disappointed in myself. I have done my very best. And what Eliza R. Snow said in the same talk is true, too: "We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

I will work to refine and cultivate everything that is good and ennobling in myself to qualify for this dream of mine. Because I really, really want it. And the Lord, in His mercy, wisdom, and timetable, will bring it to pass.