THIS IS LIFE!

THIS IS LIFE. Life is not work. Life is not my obligations. Life is people. Life is the moments I connect with people. Life is reading scriptures. Life is feeling joy. Life is sharing with friends. Life is laughing. Life is not hassles, frustrations, daily pettiness. Life is bigger than that. It is tears, it is struggles, it is growth. I am not defined by my work because my work is not me.

I like people! (who knew?)

I like people. I know, I know. This is a new development. But breaking up has made me need friends, and now I'm realizing that I really enjoy talking to people. Everyone has an interesting story. The trick is to get them to share it.  I used to be the one waiting out in the car because I didn't want to talk anymore; now I'm the last one out of the party. And I go home feeling like there were so many people I didn't get to talk to! Crazy, right?

slow growth (in a non-frustrating way)

I was going through some old notes from BYU-I devotionals the other day, and came across this quote from Elder Maxwell: "Patience is also measured by our frustration level." Amazing how I'm relearning this principle (or maybe learning it for the first time) eight years after hearing it. Perhaps there are some things about me that haven't changed very much.

quotes

Janice J. Harrup 12/11/2001: "This is the place to be more righteous than I ever have in my life."

Alma 26:5-7; D&C 93:1

Lynn Robins 2/12/2002: "Is this "a" one? Is this a man who will honor his priesthood and enough like me that we will be happy?"

2/26/2002 K. Fred Scousen: "Happiness doesn't depend on what we have, but what we're grateful for."

3/12/2002 Boyd K. Packer: "You could warm your hands by the fire of his faith."

3/19/2002 Wendy Watson: "Real excitement comes from obedience."

4/16/2002 Don C. Bird: "Don't run off to Tarshish when you have a responsibility in Ninevah."

9/17/2002 Elder Coford: "Don't let others set standards by which you are judged and found wanting"

9/22/2002 President Richard Smith - E. Maxwell "patience is also measured by our frustration level."

Don't rush things. Look at the moment we're in, and how that moment influences our lives. Don't lose track of the importance of the moment. It is a time of preparation that will help me achieve my goals.

11/12/2002 Jeannette Beckem: "Live so God can trust us"

11/16/2002 Fall Focus on Women - Dallin Oaks: "Taking sacrament has to do with the temple"

3/2/2003 CES fireside - Elder Staheli

Elder Faust: "It will often be for us to decide between having a good time and leading a good life."

When Nephi's father told him of the intended journey to return to get the plates, Nephi said,

"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them (1 Nephi 3:7)."

So Nephi and his brothers went back to Jerusalem. They first drew lots to see who would go talk to Laban. That didn't work well; Laman was thrown out. The next idea was to go back to their home and get all their gold and precious things and buy the plates. There may have been things that they needed to learn while on the trip to and from their house. Maybe patience. Maybe being willing to give away all they had to get the plates. Maybe learning to submit to the will of the Lord. I don't know.

Anyway, they bring all their things back and show them to Laban. Not only does their plan fail, it gets worse. This time Laban sets his servants to kill them. They escape, but then Laman and Lemuel turn on Nephi and make things pretty miserable, too. And all of this occurred while Nephi was on the Lord's errand. He was following the Spirit, living his life the way he ought, and trusting in the Lord. And it still happened.

At this point, if I were Nephi, I would wonder what the Lord was up to. Why had this happened when I was doing everything I should? But the Lord had a plan, and this preparatory experience was just that: preparatory. Even though everything had failed so far in Nephi's attempts to get the plates, it was still a commandment, so he still kept looking for ways that the Lord had prepared to help him accomplish the thing that the Lord had commanded.

I recently read this in a devotional by Rob Eaton, given at BYU-Idaho on January 19, 2010. He says,

"We sometimes simplify 1 Nephi 3:8 to this basic principle: the Lord won't command us to do anything we can't accomplish. But what Nephi actually said is 'that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.' If we buy into the oversimplified version of Nephi's statement and we have been commanded to climb the wall of Jerusalem, we might stand in front of the wall, jumping repeatedly in desperation, telling ourselves, 'I know I can jump over this wall because the Lord commanded me to.' On the other hand, I can imagine Nephi jumping a time or two and then stopping and thinking to himself, 'The Lord would not have commanded me to do this unless He had prepared a way for me to do it. I bet there's a ladder lying around here somewhere.'"

When everything unravels, and I am left without those plates that I was sure I almost had, I need to remember that it was a preparatory experience and that the Lord designs to rule the future as He has the past. And I need to look for other ways that the Lord has prepared for me to accomplish the thing that He has commanded.

Shoelaces

One thing that annoys me is when a student comes up and shoves his/her foot in my lap. Being an observant adult, I can see that the shoelaces are untied, and I can infer that the student wants me to tie his/her shoe. But really, can't they talk? And if they can't, shouldn't they learn? So I teach my students to say, "Will you tie my shoe please?" Demands don't work: "Tie my shoe!" It needs to be a request. I appreciate the request. But it's about time for them to learn how to tie their own shoes. So I expect to see them begin to work on it themselves. Granted, some of the middle steps of tying shoes are a little tricky. But they can do the first step without too much trouble. So I teach them to do what they can before they ask for help.

I know that I am fallen and make mistakes and that the Lord is higher and more just and merciful and I cannot compare myself to Him in any real way. But I think there's a principle here.
I've been learning about fasting lately. I used to think that I just had to go without food and water for 24 hours. Then I realized that I needed to be praying and reading the scriptures along with that. Now I'm learning that the Lord expects us to do as much as we can. For example, if I'm fasting for charity, I should be praying for charity, studying everything I can find about it, and doing everything I can to be charitable while in my fasting and non-fasting state. If I'm fasting to lose weight, I should be praying for help, studying the word of God about how to be a steward of my body and exercise self-control, and I should probably throw away all the junk food in the house and make an exercise and eating plan that will help me get what I want.

The Lord expects us to do all we can and He will help us with the rest. He also expects requests. Being an omnipotent Being, He knows what we need before we ask. But it's still polite. And it's good for us to learn how to ask - and how to work.

Note to self:

Elder Holland said, "We look back to gain the embers from our glowing experiences, not the ashes." Keep the embers going - they fuel the next fire. Faith looks forward with anticipation. Realize that the future is as bright as my faith. Know that the Lord has wonderful things in store for me and He wouldn't ask me to move on if it weren't toward something better. Remember Lot's wife. Remember Lehi, leaving his home and all he held dear, to experience hard times in the wilderness for years and years. Remember that it is through faith that all things are fulfilled. Remember that the Lord keeps His promises. Remember that while we think we are being made into a cottage, the Lord is making us into a palace. Look forward with faith. Take the glowing embers and leave the ashes, looking forward to the Author and Finisher of our faith. The Atonement takes away the pain and shows us how bright the future really is. And I've seen my future. It is bright.

Don't forget!!

p.s. I love campfires

I cried last night. And the night before. And today. Nothing too big - just lost hopes, dashed dreams, soul aches, and beginning to reconstruct a future. I don't know why some things happen the way they do. I don't know why this particular dream of mine keeps getting deferred. Maybe I'm not really ready for it, even though I think I am. But I really think I am.

But I do know that what Sister Beck says is true: "When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves." I am disappointed. Oh, so very very disappointed, but I am not disappointed in myself. I have done my very best. And what Eliza R. Snow said in the same talk is true, too: "We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

I will work to refine and cultivate everything that is good and ennobling in myself to qualify for this dream of mine. Because I really, really want it. And the Lord, in His mercy, wisdom, and timetable, will bring it to pass.